I got a kick out of this site by 'Mental Patient' who is attempting to sell things via a crudely fashioned online auction, and you will too. He's currently offering a flag-adorned piece of tofu he claims to be a Polynesian sovereign island/state, the worldwide rights to 12:17 PM, a fly named Mr. Bojangles, and the whining cockrock band Metallica. "If you are looking for a Monarch that will crack your teeth when chewed, then I'd nudge you in the direction of acquiring King Louis the Tooth Cracker from me" (referring to a king chess piece).